Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Looking for Answers

On Monday I didn't get all that far with Carla's exercise so I'm having another go now. Here's a magically bubbling mug of cocoa for you whilst I delve into my mind once more.

Metaphors to make more literal, the ones that I feel apply to my life right now:

Tornado, Dragon, Knight, Stranger, Fate

Tornado - air that spins with great force

Air is often said to be the element of the talker, the intellect, the analytical. And I can definitely see how a tornado that spins, but within which I can find a still centre is my mind. When it spins and I'm not in the centre I'm thrown all over the place! When I'm in the still centre I can stay calm no matter what.

Qualities: strong , still-centred, able to talk to anyone


I am very good at talking to strangers.
I have a calm centre.
I can listen well too.
My mind is one of my strengths.
Words have power.

Dragon - mythical, powerful, cold blooded, fire-breathing, gold-hoarding, flying, cave-dwelling riddler

Well that expansion of dragon covers all the elements and more... I remember reading that we all have a lizard brain... I see this as an instinctive aspect. Intuitive too. I used to draw pictures of a dragon called Boot. And I also have an old boot charm that I sometimes wear. Its meant to be lucky I think though I've no idea why. On the hoarding, I prefer to hoard artist supplies to gold.

I am intuitive.
I am one of the most complex animals on this planet; a human!
I am creative.
I have the great good fortune to own many artist supplies.
I have ancient roots.

Knight - crusader, armour-plated, defensive, aggressive fighter

I see this as my apparently rational self. Sometimes over-rational. And certainly at times over defensive... It has good sides though. The Knight in me is at its best when its applying its logic appropriately and solving the riddles set by the guardians of strange places!

I have a strong intellect.
I am able to do problem solving in an abstract way.
I can be logical.
I can do useful analysis.
My mind is a tool that has been trained, via mathematics, to work as a pattern-finder.

Stranger - seeing everything as new, through the eyes of a stranger

This is the ability to see things as though never seen before. I love it when I do this! Many of the values of things like drawing for me are to put me into this state where I love what I see everything has beauty. This is the part of me that revels in synchronicity!

I am able to see with the eyes of love, the eyes of an artist, the eyes of a child.
I can draw and when I draw I see things differently.
I love to create splashy paintings and then see what is there to be seen.
I adore synchronicities and revel in them.
I am curious and love to explore.

Fate - the fixed path, lack of choice

This is the one I'm most ambivalent about finding the positives in. And yes ambivalence seems exactly the right word here. Like most people I act as though I can decide and that my decisions make a difference. And like most people I expect others to do the same.

But... but given our inability to know the consequences of our choices how much choice do we really have? Its only in hindsight that we can truly say we'd rather have done something else and yet even then we cannot know that the outcome would have been better, we cannot wind the clock back and try the other road.

I've gone into deep metaphysics, philosophy and science searching for the answer to this one and worryingly, from that rational choice-making Knight's point of view, there isn't much to support the concept of "freedom of choice" except for our own earnest belief and desire that we have it!

So the challenge here is to see what the positives are that might be drawn out of the view that indeed we are fated to be and do whatever it is we are and do... I'll word this one differently, because of my ambivalence:

Fate brings me humility, all my achievements just are.
Fate brings me compassion, others are swept up and helpless.
Fate brings me forgiveness, others have no choice.
Fate brings me self-forgiveness, I need not blame myself just as I no longer blame others.
Fate brings me surrender, there is no need to fight so why not enjoy life as it is!

Whew - tough exercise, Carla!


Caroline said...

Does that mug of cocoa look a little like a cauldron?

Anonymous said...

It does look like a cauldron! Are you a witch??? Seriously, I will compliment you first by saying that I am blown away by the energy you put into this exercise. There's an acknowledgment in there as well, because the thought and energy that this took is so clearly evident. It is especially powerful, because I know you are a self-examined person, so these explorations and affirmations represent deep work. Thus, they ring so true. Your thoughts on fate are compelling as they reflect the soul searching you've done... I do believe that your inability to make perfect sense of the fate-free will conflict is really something we all feel. You have derived some very good positives about it, though. Wow! The collage above is yet another added layer to this process... I do bow to you! Namaste - Carla

Caroline said...

Carla - I'm no witch though I know some people who claim to be... that's what was worrying me - especially since I'd already drunk it!! :-)

Thank you for your acknowledgment and encouragement. And also your part in all the synchronicities.

I'm very grateful that you set this exercise; it was a real challenge and one I'm glad to have met.

I bow to you.