Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Unpeeling emotions

Unpeeling

One technique that is simple to express and very powerful was taught to me by Jay Bosisto who was at that time an HK teacher. (Now to be be found here in Dartmoor)

Acknowledge and let go

The general form is to say out loud something that fits this pattern:
“I acknowledge feeling . . . . . . about ....... (doing) ....... and I choose to let go of this feeling RIGHT NOW!”
For instance, maybe you are fed-up with being ignored by your partner, lets call them Chris, when you speak. You would say out loud:
"I acknowledge feeling fed-up about Chris ignoring every word I say and I choose to let go of this feeling right now."
Did you mean it when you said it? If not first check the words. Maybe what you really mean is:

"I acknowledge feeling extremely angry about Chris ignoring me when I speak and I choose to let go of this feeling right now."

Do you still feel the same. If so, say it again and really mean that you are willing to both acknowledge the feeling and let it go.

Has the feeling changed? Often there are underlying feelings for instance in this case we might next encounter fear, so the next stage may be to say:

"I acknowledge feeling frightened that I am never heard by anyone and I choose to let go of this feeling right now."

Has the feeling shifted? If not find another way to express it, maybe:

"I acknowledge feeling scared that Chris will leave me if I nag and I choose to let go of this feeling right now."

or

"I acknowledge feeling undermined by Chris' apparent lack of attention to me when I speak and I choose to let go of this feeling right now."
or

"I acknowledge feeling belittled by the way Chris avoids eye contact with me when I am speaking and I choose to let go of this feeling right now."
or

"I acknowledge feeling a fear of being unable to say what I mean and be understood whenever I speak to Chris and I choose to let go of this feeling right now."

Each time feel and name the emotion that you are carrying. Each time say where it comes from, sometimes this will be very specific. And each time let the feeling go.

Sometimes you will follow this down to a very deep-rooted stress or fear that you really do need more help with. Use the techniques in my previous post to destress this.

27 comments:

Living Part Deux said...

Caroline, thank you for sharing this technique. I can see that it can be very, very effective, and I plan to exercise it. Wonderful.

Caroline said...

Thanks Rebekah I hope it helps. Do let me know if you need more help with it.

Reluctant Nomad said...

That looks like a picture taken from inside a kaleidoscope - I love those things!

Caroline said...

I did use a kaleidoscpe filter in making it ;-)

Nick Zegarac said...

Geez, does the poor guy do anything right? Perhaps it's time to acknowledge that it's time to move on. Great post.

Nan said...

Goodness... I am offline a couple of days and look at all I missed! This sounds like a very effective technique. You are very insightful.

kyknoord said...

A case of "say what you mean and mean what you say"?

Caroline said...

Nick Zegarac - hi! And who said Chris was a guy?

Nan - I've needed a lot of help!

Kyknoord - definitely.

Joy Eliz said...

WOW!!!!!
I needed this post for a couple days now - what timing (synchronicity). And I've seen Rescue Remedy but never really put much thought into it...until now. You've given me such a great idea for when I feel uneasy in public.

Thanks!!!!

Caroline said...

Joy Eliz - I hope it helps - do let me know if there is something I could explain better!



I may give some more examples - if anyone has a situation they'd like me to do some possible examples around please suggest it.

steve said...

very interesting stuff and image!

Caroline said...

Steve - thanks! I hope some of it helps someone!

Modern Viking said...

It's good to toss such feelings aside after the problem has been resolved... But I think it's more important to talk to Chris about it, or the source of the stress will always be there...

Caroline said...

Viking054 - don't you think a more beneficial discussion would result from the talk after the stress has been removed? And what if its all in Chris' partner's head? Could be!

Modern Viking said...

Yes, that's a good point! Nothing can be accomplished under the influence of anger.

Caroline said...

Viking054 - oh good I'm glad you agree!

megg said...

Great post - it is so easy to forget or ignore what the REAL root of our fears and angers are. This is a great exercise to be more honest with ourselves! love it!

Caroline said...

Megg - that's a good way to look at it.

Reluctant Nomad said...

Do you have any remedies for a dreadful cold? Email them my way at once, please!

Btw, I know that I owe you an email...I'm a bit tardy on various fronts at the moment.

yagrumpr: yes, this cold makes me very grumpy!

Caroline said...

Reluctant Nomad - there are times when one can get rid of colds but its often important not to - colds do a great job of clearing out all sorts of yuck from the body! So love your cold and stop being so grumpy!

The Crafty-Girl™ said...

caroline, i love the word "unpeeling" because it does seem like we are made of so many layers of emotions; useful information and part of the revealing process! Thank you for your comments and personal insight on my self-portrait post; it's not easy to reveal that which we are uncomfortable with... regards, kelly

Caroline said...

The Crafty-Girl™ - Hi Kelly - unpeeling also brings to mind, for me, the way I cry when I peel an onion - tears that do not necessarily indicate pain but are nevertheless indicators of change... You are doing a good job of facing yourself and I think being creative helps!

Alina Chau said...

beautiful! Love the design!

Caroline said...

thanks Alina

Wandering Coyote said...

Another mandala. I love it.

This technique is something similar to a couple of things I've done during therapy. It is helpful, but you do have to say it aloud, I find. Doing it in my mind just wasn't the same.

Caroline said...

Wandering Coyote - thats interesting about you having done something similiar in therapy and I agree saying it out loud really helps.

Guyana-Gyal said...

I've found that being able to talk about how I feel helps me to let go of stuff.