Thursday, April 03, 2008

Sharp Twists of Fate



I'm getting behind in doing Carla's exercises on wings4you... on Sunday she posted: You are on a Mission. I've been having a hard time even beginning to do this... I used to work for the kind of company that had mission statements... and as an employee I saw no value to them whatsoever. They were too abstract and took too much time, far too many meetings, and no feeling of direction or other benefit came out of them.

I do realise that doing my own mission statement the only person I need to have a meeting with is myself and as Jim is away this week I've no interruptions. I can also choose what level of abstraction to pitch it at.

Then I found this image of the pencil sharpeners. It puts all that past stuff about the future into context. Provides a wyrd twist on it all...

I've finished a first read through of "Wyrd Allies" and although I've only done a few of the exercises I think I've already noticed some effects... the first was bumping into one of my neighbours - she was the only person who lives around here that I knew before we moved in 12 years ago - and yet during that time we've hardly seen each other, not got to know each other any better at all.

When we met on Tuesday she apologised for being so focused on her own stuff and said we really ought to get together... so we arranged to meet at a local coffee shop the next morning. Later that day I was on my way to a hot stones massage and of course I bumped into her again... and she was off to a massage too... We met up the next morning and had a lovely time.

The reason I connect this with the book, is that to go to the shops I have to choose which way to go, I specifically felt for which was the wyrd way to go and then she popped into view - both times. Of course before reading the book I'd have called this following my nose... or my heart... or whatever part I was attaching the feeling to. So this isn't really new, just a different way of looking at what already is.

One of the more emotionally draining aspects of the exercises I have undertaken is in looking at the things which repeat over and over in my life, where I end up in the same role, the same position, even though I'm with different people each time it happens. I'm finding this useful but tiring! Some of the patterns are very frequent repeaters and definitely weird... by which I mean the things that are happening are not ones I could possibly have consciously arranged... so although I'm the only common element it is odd that the world, the wyrd, the whatever has put me into this situation over and over, given me the chance to replay it over and over... with enough variations to keep me guessing of course... like my very own Groundhog Day (the film)... though mercifully not quite so predictable!

For instance, when I went to my first school I knew no-one there - I lived 5 miles away from it - the others were all local and already mostly knew each other and could see each other after school and at weekends.

By the time I was 10 the year I was in was ready to go up to the next school. However you couldn't do that unless you were 11. All my classmates went up to the next school and I had to stay on an extra year at the primary school. This was all the more difficult as I was already 5' 6" and more woman than girl... I looked like an adult (couldn't get child fares!) but was held back because my birthday fell a month after the cut off date.

The next year I went to the next school. I'd made a good friend during the year stuck at primary but she was put in a different house from me and a very different timetable. I was all alone again.

For a more recent example of this continuing pattern see IF - Wind & more on Zero Balancing where despite the fact that we all started off as strangers and there were only 3 of us - I was definitely the odd one out.

Have you got any situations that repeat in your life that do seem strangely familiar but also ones you couldn't possibly have caused consciously?

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

very thought provoking post Caroline... will have to give this some thought... I hated groundhog day it dragged, although some days in real life do repeat over and over. Hmm... off to think some more! Winterwood blog

Caroline said...

Thought-provoking? Hmm... is that good or bad?

Shelly said...

For some reason, I can't see the photo and I've tried on 2 computers. Interesting blog. I'll come back when I have more time and look around. :)

Caroline said...

Shelly - thanks for letting me know its not showing for you - though at least you'll know what it looks like! Its your photo on a black background with the quote underneath... I don't know what I can do to make it more visible as I can see it here... I uploaded it using the ordinary blogger uploader after I'd added the quote.

Caroline said...

I've tried a new version. I did have problems with posting it initially so maybe the image had been dropped from blogger but was only in my cache. I hope you can see it now.

Shelly said...

Perfect. :)

Caroline said...

Shelly - thanks for letting me know its working now.

Anonymous said...

I have medical things that repeat themselves, but that's not what you're talking about. Being a renter have been forced to move because the house is selling (many times), and have always had such short notice that have had to move somewhere which always seems to be just a bit too far away to buy bread and milk via walking. This in turn makes me more housebound (not having a car), although consciously try to get out as often as possible. Just something I have noticed and serendipitously was thinking about last night!

Dru Marland said...

I got moved around a few times when I was young, and had to make new friends... always felt like an outsider, though, and still do. That's my own little repeating pattern. It still bothers me, but not as much as it used to because I now suspect that a lot of people also feel the same way anyway. Cold comfort.

Caroline said...

Anonymous - medical things that repeat could count if you see a weird pattern in them.

But the renting one is an excellent example - I've rented loads of times and out of those only once had to move because it was being sold, and we were about to give notice anyway so it was only slightly inconvenient...

Dru - I quickly came to the conclusion that there was only one person in my life that I could rely on and that was myself... when I was daft enough to agree to a course of psychotherapy the (Jungian) psychotherapist seemed to think this was terrible! And so he attempted to undermine the only stability I'd found....

tinker said...

Sometimes life does seem to keep repeating certain 'themes,' though I'm having difficulty - too tired - at the moment, to pinpoint specific incidences.

Much too think about, though - thanks for the food for thought, Caroline~
xo

Becky Vigor said...

Yes, I have things that repeat. I think it's a spiral though, rather than a circle. Each time I get another chance to change things.

Caroline said...

Tink - you certainly seem to often be reading blogs when you are tired! Hope you get a good rest.

Becky - Yes a spiral is a good way to describe it.

Joy Eliz said...

Yes, things always seem to be repeating. But I can't say I like the lack of social network. Is this a lesson I have to learn or just accept?

Guyana-Gyal said...

You have me scratching my head, thinking about this one, Caro. What themes in my life repeat themselves? I'm sure they're there...and being me, I won't stop until I find them.

This is great for women who are constantly in bad relationships to think about.

Caroline said...

Joy Eliz - probably both. Its hard to learn a lesson without accepting it first isn't it?

GG - its had me scratching my head too and you are right - unfortunately its easier to notice a pattern from the outside but finding what needs to change can only come from the inside.

Forever Young said...

hello fellow w4u contributor! whew what a mouthful. i have chosen to keep my actual posts only between carla and myself for now, but enjoy seeing what you've written and the journey you are on. lovely blog, i shall return!

Caroline said...

Forever young - sorry I didn't reply to this earlier - I meant to! Thanks for you visit and I can quite understand keeping this stuff quiet. I'm not showing most of what I'm coming up with...