Every Friday the local newspaper, the Bristol Evening Post, has a separate property section. In it the estate agents advertise those properties which haven't sold yet. I get it quite often to giggle over the descriptions. Here are a couple from last night's issue:
This one has been in the paper on and off for a long time now... maybe it really isn't visible:
Frenchay £439,950 A magnificent three bedroom detached cottage, located in the heart of Frenchay Village, yet not readily visible by traditional methods. This charming property boasts many attractive features, which one would not necessarily be aware of from its initial appearance. A secluded family retreat which must be viewed to be fully appreciated.In one of the adverts written to look like an article we find this:
A FANTASTIC conversion of a 19th-century redundant church in the leafy suburbs of Redland is rewriting the property rulebook in Bristol..... The Cloisters is a fantastic development in the heart of Redland.The road it is on is one of the borders of Redland with Bishopston.... So this rewriting of the rulebook must also include a redrawing of the areas of Bristol... maybe this is like wearing your heart on your sleeve... needless to say Redland is in general a more expensive area than Bishopston but Cranbrook Road is very busy and therefore cheaper. And it looked a lot leafier around there before the developement... they removed all the plants from around the church...
They are also doing something very odd to the images on the website - they seem to have taken many of them in portrait mode but are displaying them in landscape thus changing their proportions very weirdly.... including the picture of the actual church
Whoops I'm getting too serious here... here is another phrase from the same "article":
If you are seeking peace and privacy the Tower is unsurpassed - an intimate tower room is approached via a winding staircase where the owner can sit with only the Bristol skyline as disturbance in the distance.I suspect that the noise and fumes of the road below have created this disturbance...
We have had a great view of this building's tower being cleaned up from our dining room window - this is what we see of it:
Leafy in front but with the new school still being built behind it. So reciprocally that means whoever gets that tower room will be getting a great view of the new school and of our dining room - maybe we are the source of the disturbance in the distance...
Update: Jim has been following up the whereabouts of Redland... and according to the Bristol City Council's wards we are in Redland, not Bishopston and at least by this definition of Redland the Estate Agents are right - Cranbrook Road goes right through the middle of it! However the area that they are calling Redland excludes Redland station and is not the normal definition used even by estate agents in Bristol.
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8 comments:
As an armchair (and sometimes actual) real estate shopper I LOVE this post, Caroline. It's like estate agents have a language all their own, isn't it? For example here "not a drive-by" means the place is a dump from the outside as well as the inside. As for how hard they work, the internet has made it so easy for them to be lazy. I had one estate agent phone me Friday about a house listed in the area we want to live that I'd already been by, so I told him about another house in the area, more recently listed, and he hadn't heard about it yet. Do they really like being made to look stupid by their clients over and over again, or is the fact that all they have to do is be the go-between once *we've* done all the spadework reason enough to put up with a little humiliation? And re. the townhouses in the lo-o-ong church: why would a 4 bedroomed house need 3 receptions and 5 bathrooms?
I think "must be viewed to be fully appreciated" is similar to your "not a drive-by" - after all who buys a house without going to look at it? Actually my mother did once... not a good move...
I know our system is different here... maybe that could be another posting - but I'd need to know more about your system first so I can appreciate the differences better...
5 bathrooms does seem a little excessive doesn't it? But as they don't show any plans I've no idea how these are arranged - I've been wondering about going to visit... but I missed their open day... and I don't want them to get too excited at the prospect of me as a potential buyer... all the plots are still for sale and have been for a few months now... And I've just looked at the most expensive of the plots it has 6 bedrooms, 2 receptions and 4 bathrooms... maybe you have to pay more to avoid extra bathroom cleaning...
Many things in my world are "Not visible by traditional methods." I wish I'd thought that one up.
Tony Larocca - perhaps you tell me what it means then?
That art ['eart] is super.
My bro. living in England brought back Sat. 4 Independent newspaper, I've been reading it, cover to cover, piece by piece, even the bits about real estate, villages, everything.
The writing is so much better than what we have here.
I saw a bit about the village where Eden Project is.
GG - I used to get the Independent - I especially liked the photography in the magazine - your bro could probably send you a copy now and again if you enjoy it so much - would it survive your post?
Ah that Eden Project - I notice they have their ice rink up now... I'm not into ice skating myself but I'd like to watch others slither around...
to be fully appreciated, this comment is not to be read by traditional methods.
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