Enigma 419: Painting by numbers - From New Scientist #1569, 16th July 1987 [link] Instructions 1. You will need four copies of: labelled A, B, C, D. 2. Take A. The artist Pussicato signs th...
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
MMM: What changes do I witness?
Title: No longer a square peg nor a round hole.
This piece includes a mandala I made for the summer Solstice last year using poster paints. The key has transformed from previous MMMs.
The changes I've seen are those in my response to the world.
When I was working I tried to be what I thought my employers wanted me to be. In the last 18 months that I was working I received along the way lots of thanks and all sorts of tokens of appreciation, some public, others more personal but this culminated, on my 10th anniversary of working there, in being ranked poorly... during that time I was given every reason to believe that what I was doing was more than appropriate, and valued. Then I was ranked down... I was told it would be reviewed in 6 months. I was told more about the ranking meeting than one is normally told... I was warned against complaining about this ranking. This was Hewlett Packard, at that time you could be fired for discouraging an employee from using the "Open Door Policy" yet things were such that my manager took the risk and warned me not to do it. In 6 months time I did not get a review. Nor in 7. Within 8 months I was ill again and have never returned.
Since then I've had 10 years of struggle to not be what everyone tells me someone with M.E. is like. To find a way to accept that I have it without becoming it.
And now I am not trying to be either what anyone else thinks I should be or fighting to disprove anyone either. I'm discovering who I am.
One of my friends from university recently emailed and said he'd read my blog and that it was very me. That was the best compliment I could have from someone who knows me so well. I'm getting there. I don't yet recognise myself fully but I've cleared myself of lots of things that do not belong.
Using spell with flickr
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